Sharing God’s Light in a Dark World
June Johnson is a registered nurse, wound care specialist, and CMF missionary who had spent 24 years in Ukraine teaching and consulting at two church clinics and a Christian rehabilitation center for spinal injuries. She regularly lectured on wound and ostomy care at Christian medical conferences for medical students. She also worked alongside special needs ministry leaders, using her medical knowledge and other God-given skills.
In 2022, Russia escalated the war with Ukraine that had started in 2014, causing June to be unable to return to the country she had served for so many years. June was asked, and quickly pivoted, to work in Germany to provide medical attention to Ukrainian refugee patients, many of whom she knew while in Ukraine.
Here she shares about laying down the need to know ‘why’ in the midst of so much suffering.
I love to share stories that are wrapped up and have happy endings. I shy away from those that are messy, unfinished and I can’t point out the victory. I can’t tackle this topic to the depths like the greats before me, yet I am in debt to their stories. I can stand again after reading about their ‘dark night of the soul.’
As I’ve grown older, I’ve purposely chosen to let the suffering of others smear me with its pain. Attempting to stay detached separates you from those who are and leaves you with nothing when suffering eventually finds you. So, I am ready to wear the grimy questions and walk with its complex nature. Or so I thought.
The quality of pushing for the ‘why’ is great in medicine. Why the fever? Why the pain? Why the spasms? Don’t guess. Don’t treat blind. Rather, understand the cause and answer with a correct intervention. However, demanding an answer to the ‘why’ isn’t always helpful in my relationship with God. Sure, it is good, we are even encouraged to ask God questions. He can handle them. But in the past few months, I got stuck there – circling in my insisting to know why.
The war in Ukraine and so many other places, global catastrophes, chronic pain of people I care about, suffering from persecution, famine and hate...so much death, darkness and pain…why Lord?
I remember what is written. The Bible points to our sin as the cause of pain. The fall of man; the groaning of creation and end times. But I had forgotten that He is God and there are things that I will not understand on this side of heaven. I pushed for an explanation. But heaven remained silent, and despair crept into my heart.
But His hand reached out and I grabbed it. ‘…perplexed, but not in despair…’ (2 Cor. 4:8). Only five words in a sermon two weeks ago – but they gave me hope. In no way do I compare myself to Paul, but it was such relief to understand that he also was baffled at times. Situations puzzled him too. Such a great man of faith was occasionally confused.
Later, in a very low moment, I asked a friend a question. Her daughter (now 11) was born with extensive neuro problems and then she lost her husband five years ago when a large blood clot stopped his heart. “Katya, I know the first four years after your daughter was born were horrible – it broke both you and your husband. Then when you lost him…and you again were shattered. How did you do it?” She quietly answered, “I laid down the need to know ‘Why?’.
That hit deep. That hit very deep because I have known her for 12 years and while she would have never chosen this road for herself, she recognizes with real gratitude the tight relationship she has with God today – a relationship she would not trade for anything. She walks her talk. I had sought understanding, but she gave me hope as well.
And I remembered Easter. My mind constantly seeks the most efficient way to accomplish things. God does not. Had I been standing at the foot of the cross, the situation would have looked like complete failure and loss. On that day, the crucifixion of Christ looked like anything but God’s perfect answer.
For now, questions remain – her suffering, his death, their murder, massive loss and destruction. Yet, Lord help me lay down the need to know why. It’s worse and the ugly is lasting longer than I thought but help me trust You in it. In You are all the answers and in heaven there will be no more questions. But until then, keep me humble. Remind me as often as needed that this is Your story; help me focus on Your truth and character. Help me never forget that pain is never wasted in Your hands. May You receive all the glory as You turn broken to beautiful.
Until then, mine is to trust and wait, to show and share Your saving light to this dark world.